Austin was diagnosed with autism on February 15, 2016. He was 27 months old.
The classic signs of autism were there even in infancy, and only became more noticeable as he grew older. I was thrown into a life that I had never imagined. No one ever thinks they will have a special needs child…that only happens to other people.
But there I was. And I was caught off guard by the flood of grief that followed that diagnosis.
I searched for articles & books to find others who felt the way I did. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
Most things I read were parents who “Wouldn’t trade their child’s autism”. Their autism “is who they are”. Or they were thankful for autism for various reasons. Maybe one day I will be able to say that, but I’m not there.
Dont get me wrong, I LOVE my little boy, but I would never have chosen for him to struggle with autism.
I eventually came upon a blog written by a very honest mama about her own little boy with autism. She wrote of all the things I was going through. She didn’t hold back, she didn’t sugar-coat. Because of her, I knew I wasn’t alone.
While it’s difficult for me to open up and share this blog of mine, I am choosing to do it in the hopes that maybe I can be that person for someone else. If even one thing I write can help a fellow autism mom, it will all be worthwhile.